In Denial
by Larael
Summary: Susan's final moments with her family and friends before their deaths. Please read and review! No flames allowed.
1. Chapter 1

**Authoress' Note:** Just a quick warning note—this is Chapter 1 (out of 2 chapters) in my first ever Narnia fic! So, please R & R and give me plenty of constructive criticism. You're thoughts and suggestions will be much appreciated.

EDIT: Okie dokies… after a flood of lovely reviews with a share of ever-so-helpful criticism I found it quite necessary to edit this story. As you can see, Eustace and Jilll have been written out to make the story a tad less confusing, and just because I couldn't find a good place to put them. **pats Eustace's and Jill's hands** It'll be alright dears.

Anyway, I have also replaced my so-called "Mr. Digory" with his more correct counter part, Professor Kirke. And… last but not least, the "Digory couple" has divorced and now consists of just Polly and Professor Kirke. Ahh.. much better. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of these characters, nor do I own the train station. I'm just borrowing them from the ever-so-amazing C.S. Lewis. Didn't he do a great job?

In Denial 

Susan sat rigidly in her seat, lips pursed, and hands folded neatly in her lap, as she awaited the approach of the train. Edmund was reading intently beside her, something she thought was a complete waste of time. Yet, it seemed to be the only thing her younger brother did these days, besides speaking of _him_. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably at the thought.

Beside Edmund sat young Lucy. _Well, she really isn't that young anymore_, Susan told herself reluctantly. The once rosy, pink-cheeked lass was already beginning to lose the innocent sparkle in her eye as her body changed with maturity. _I just hope she doesn't grow up as fast as I did_, Susan thought sadly, casting her eyes downward and away from her naïve sister.

Last on the bench was Peter, almost fully grown to manhood. His features had become sharper over the years, as his childhood days slipped way like sand sifting through your fingers, and he had certainly become more handsome too. The neighbour girls had let the poor Pevensie family know that right from the start.

Susan's attention was turned back to the present when she caught wind of the whisperings coming from Peter and Lucy at the end of the bench. The two glanced at her almost reproachfully, avoiding her eyes before they turned their backs. Speaking in low-pitched and soft tones, Susan was having a hard time hearing what was being said so secretively. At the right moment though, a gust of wind blew their voices back to where she sat. Susan leaned forward slightly, cocking her head thoughtfully to one side.

"… I miss Aslan ever so much Peter. Don't you?" Lucy asked, "It's been so very long since he last called us to Narnia."

Peter sighed, "It has been a while. Remember all the wonderful times we had at Cair Paravail? The mermaids greeted us every morning, and the fawns danced for us every night…" Peter trailed off into silence when he realised Susan was listening in. Susan pulled herself back instantly and pretended to look indifferent. Seeing her sister's dismay Lucy piped up, "Don't you remember our life in Narnia, Susan?"

Susan glowered and pursed her painted lips primly. _Lucy should know better than to ask such questions!_ She looked down at the young girl haughtily.

"Of course I remember the _children's games_ we used to play at Professor Kirke's," she said icily.

"Children's games!" Peter cried, "Susan, where is your sense? Don't you remember any of it?" 

Cheeks burning with rage Susan stared down at her gloved hands in her lap. She could feel her brother and sister staring at her as if trying to bore a hole in her mind to peek in. Even Edmund had shut his book with a dull thud and turned to look at her curiously.

"Don't you remember?" Peter asked again, more quietly this time.

Susan softened and leaned against the bench mulling over how she should respond. Oh how she wanted to remember, and wished to remember, but she just couldn't let herself. It went against every fibre of her being.

Ever since the time her parents had taken her to America to "show her off" and she had missed her brothers' and sister's latest excursion into that mystical land from so long ago, everything had changed. It was as if a tie between herself, her parents, her siblings, and Narnia had been severely severed. She had other priorities now, and they knew them quite well.

Salty tears trickled slowly down Susan's face. She reached up to brush them away and realised tears were something she had not felt in a long time. Quickly, she turned away so that no one would see. She had to say strong, for the sake of her family, if not for herself.

A soft hand entwined itself with her own and squeezed tightly. Susan looked up into a pair of deep, brown eyes. Lucy blinked and gave her a half-hearted nearly sympathetic smile.

"We're not angry at you Su," she said slowly, "We're just… frustrated is all. You just don't- ."

"Just leave me alone!" Susan cried pulling her hand out of Lucy's grasp anger welling up inside her and threatening to boil over," Why can't you all just let me alone for once in my life?"

She stood abruptly and took several unlady-like strides toward the centre of the station where she could calm down. She knew Edmund had put his book down once again as the three of them watched her lone figure pacing to and fro. She couldn't wait for her parents to arrive so they could leave her in peace.

"Susan! Su, dear!" a shrill voice called from somewhere to her right. She turned and suddenly brightened when she saw her mother's painted face amongst the crowd. Close behind was the solid, stern figure of her father, old Diggory Kirke and long time friend, Polly. It seemed as though they really hadn't aged a bit.

Formal, polite greetings were said as Mrs. Pevensie bustled about Susan in a hurried manner, as a hen bustles about her brood.

"Why are you not with your siblings?" Mr. Pevensie asked nodding at the group on the bench that had not noticed their arrival.

"Oh you know how it feels sitting in one attitude for a long period of time," Susan said sweetly, putting on a mask of complete innocence. This face usually worked for her mother in an instant but for her father to believe her she would just have to put it in a bit more effort. "I just needed a bit of a stretch is all."

At first it looked as if Mr. Pevensie had something to retort back at her, but Mrs. Pevensie shot her husband a warning look that smothered anything he was about to say.

"Now dear, Su's a young lady. She's perfectly capable of looking after herself," her mother said forcefully resting a hand on her husbands arm.

"I guess you're right," her father sighed, with a hint of sadness laced in his voice. Eyes downcast and feet shuffling Polly and Diggory stood quietly behind Susan's parents not daring to look up.

Susan's stomach clenched at the sight of the older pair and her heart dropped in her chest as though it were made of lead. It was as if they were strangers. As if the events they had experienced together in the past had not happened at all.

_Because they really had not happened_, Susan reminded herself, _anyway, there's no use dwelling on the past. What's done is done._

A high-pitched squeal sounded behind Susan bringing her back to the present. Lucy darted past her in a rush of excitement and a flurry of petticoats. She near jumped into her father's out-stretched arms. Edmund now stood placidly by their mother's side, a calm smile etched on his face, and Peter was shaking hands heartily with Professor Kirke.

Mr. Pevensie and Diggory both let out deep laughs at the sight of the rest of the children, and Polly joined in too with a jingling peal of laughter herself.

Susan hadn't heard a laugh like that in many years, yet the sound was as familiar as if she had heard it only yesterday. The uneasiness that had been momentarily plastered on both Polly and Diggory's faces had immediately melted away as the two exchanged greetings with the other members of the Pevensie family.

"Enough of the pleasantries," Polly cried clapping her hands together delightedly," It's time we're on our way."

Susan's heart nearly skipped a beat as she searched frantically with her eyes for the train that would take her family, Polly, and the Professor away. Sure enough, it was there, belching blackened smoke into the greying sky. The smell of brimstone and ash wafted toward her on the rising wind. Even as she watched, great wet teardrops of rain fell from the clouds above.

The now merry group had already gathered their packages and suitcases as they prepared to board the train. Suddenly, a sense of longing swallowed Susan as she watched Polly, followed by Diggory, climb the steps into an empty compartment. How she wished she could go with them now. She watched in longing as her family followed more slowly behind the older couple. Her mother hung back with her for a moment.

All happiness and joviality was drained from her face and was replaced with a look of failure making her mother seem much older than her forty-two years. Mrs. Pevensie sighed, her shoulders sagging as if she carried the weight of the world alone. Susan's father and sibling continued on not even bothering to say good-bye or look back one final time. They hated what she had done and Susan knew it all too well. Especially Lucy, she had been the most affected by Susan's sudden change in faith and attitude. Her mother's voice sliced through the pitter-patter of rain on the roof.

"They really do love you," she said staring into the rain.

Susan kept her mouth clamped tightly shut, tears welling in her eyes.

"I'll miss you Su," her mother continued wiping a stray tear from her own eyes, "Mind you be careful and remember to write every week. I love you."

Susan wasn't expecting to receive a very heart-felt good-bye, but she was expecting some kind of show of affection from at least her mother. A parting hug or kiss would have sufficed, but what she didn't expect was the simple squeeze of her hand by worn, soft fingers and a sorry expression before her mother had disappeared into the shiny sheet of rain pouring from the roof of the station. Susan watched, through a blur of rain and tears, her mother's dark ringlets of hair bobbing to and fro underneath an old-fashioned hat.

The train's sharp whistle told Susan it was time to go and that it was too late to repair any of the damage that was already done.

**Authoress' Note: **Please stay tuned for the final chapter, which will be up sometime this week. And please don't forget to click the little purple button in the left hand corner of the screen. Reviews are loved! And if you happen to spot something that isn't quite fit with the books please do share. As I said, reviews are loved!


	2. Chapter 2

**Authoress' Note:** I wasn't quite sure if it would be entirely appropriate to add this chapter in, as I did wrap up the first chapter fairly well. If you've any complaints or criticisms against it do review and I will take what you say into account. As of right now however, I intend to keep this chapter up until further notice. :)

A special thanks goes to those who reviewed—elecktrum, Francienyc, and fledge for their extremely helpful criticism, and to dancergirl92 for her kind words of encouragement. Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything of Lewis' now and I never will. No profit is being made from this story.

**Chapter 2**

Dark clouds filtered murky sunlight through Susan's bedroom window. She stirred in her bed and then fully awoke when she found she could not sleep again. The musty air and darkened sky outside only added to the melancholy feelings already dampening Susan's spirits.

Her attempts at reconnecting with her family had been in futile, and Susan strongly suspected this was because she had not tried hard enough. Or rather, she had not tried at all. As she looked back on the events of the day before she realised dully that she had acted distant and reserved toward everyone.

Fighting back fresh tears and pushing down the hard knot rising in her throat, Susan filled her washbasin with water and splashed it gently across her face to mask any of her discomfort. Wiping her face quickly with a towel, she shuffled dejectedly downstairs, through the empty parlour and into the dimly lit kitchen. Setting a kettle of water to boil Susan moved toward the entry hall and pushed open the grand double-oak doors to the steps outside.

Over cast and humid, the street outside and the sky above offered no relief to Susan's paining heart. Stooping down, the young woman snatched up the morning newspaper and the daily post just as a lone motorcar squeaked and jangled down the street in a puff of smoke, splashing water from the cobblestones onto the curb.

The wind picked up suddenly and Susan, wrapping her shawl tightly about herself, stepped hurriedly back inside shutting herself away from the world.

She glanced at the paper on the way to kitchen, and then abruptly stopped in her tracks. She looked at it again more intensely and her heart gave a jolt. There, on the front page, was the black and white photograph of a crashed train above which read the headline, "Passenger Train Collides With Freight Train". Susan scanned the article and all colour seemed to drain from her face. The world seemed to spin once, twice, and then Susan promptly fainted in a heap on the floor.

The newspaper fluttered down after her, bearing the article, "A local Bristol bound train collided with a Royal Mail freight train travelling on the same line late in the evening yesterday. Investigations are currently being led as to why the freight and the passenger train were on the same tracks. As of last night, all passengers accounted for were pronounced dead at the scene or not long afterwards…"

Authoress' Note: Please remember to press the purple button once again! 


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